How God Always Has Us Covered

In the fall of 2000 I was 18 years old, in college, working and living in my own place; loving life! By the spring of 2001, I’d dropped out of school, was pregnant and had gotten married to my sons father. Trying to “do the right thing” with my circumstances. Truthfully, I was so embarrassed with myself that I tried my best not to be seen by anyone. Especially anyone I knew. I couldn’t fathom how I fell off so fast. How did I let go of my dream of independence and end up pregnant??? My husband joined the military to give us a better life because neither of us worked once I was with child. We were living off his minimal church musician paychecks before that and eating the Wendy’s meal deal which was “two burgers and two fries for two dollars.” Anyone remember that?

He ended up being totally different from the person I thought I’d met. He became a very controlling. Everything we owned belonged to him with the exception of a third car he’d bought later in the marriage which he couldn’t get on his own so it was in both of our names. He literally ran my whole life, I had no say so in anything. He chose how I dressed, where I went and who I could be friends with. It was a miserable way to live that I never saw coming. We were doomed to divorce from the start. We didn’t know what we were doing at 18 and 19 years old but you couldn’t tell us that.

To spare you all the details, aka long story short, the relationship and his cheating had gotten so bad that one night I finally decided I was done. We were living in Texas at the time after being stationed in Maine for a few years. We got into a huge fight one night which was the motivation I needed to packed my things in the one car that had my name on it and I leave. We hadn’t even made our first car payment on it so it was solely up to me to pay the note which meant I had to find a job quick.

I didn’t want anything from the marriage but I took the car so it wouldn’t end up on my credit. He wasn’t the best at prioritizing bills. I also lived in it for about three weeks. It was extremely uncomfortable. I left my son with him during that time because obviously you can’t live in a car with a toddler. It was better that he stayed with his dad. He was a good dad, just a crappy husband. But with his priorities being himself at the time, he had no problem letting me have my son back when I was ready for him.

I’d met an older man while working as a car sales-woman that I dated and who eventually put me in an apartment in Dallas after hearing my story. He paid the rent and fully furnished it. He didn’t live there but of course visited. I went to get my son from his dad shortly after. We lived really good for a few months but like everything in my life at the time, things made a turn for the worse. I mean, God was really taking me through it!

I found out the guy was married so I told him I was leaving. Before I could pack our things and leave the apartment he was there. We got into an argument right in front of my son. He was so mad that I was leaving that he grabbed me by my neck and slammed me down on the floor. He was choking me so hard I couldn’t breathe. My son ran to his room screaming. I was calm, I didn’t fight back, I was just thinking of what to do next. I knew as soon as he let go, hoping I’d still be alive, I was going to go in the kitchen to get a knife to kill him. He let go and that’s exactly what happened. But I didn’t kill him. A neighbor heard the commotion, came to the door and called the cops. He ran away before the police got there.

I quickly grabbed a few things, my son and got out of there before he came back. I looked up shelters on my phone while driving and that same night we went to a homeless shelter for women who were victims of domestic violence. I sort of felt like a phony for trying to get in the shelter. I’d only had that one incident yet, there were women who’d truly been abused that needed help and here I was being admitted and taking up a spot someone probably really needed. But now that I’m older I know that abuse is abuse and there’s no “abuse seniority” that qualifies one women over the other. No one has the right to hurt you and the sooner you leave the better. One time is enough!

The shelter let us in immediately. Because it was for victims running from domestic abuse it was surrounded by a wall with a locked gate and the address was only given to women seeking help. I needed help true enough but in my mind I’m asking myself, WTF are you doing? Taking your son to a homeless shelter, who does that? But I was too independent to attempt to live with, live off or depend on someone else for my stability so the tough girl in me was going to make this work!

Now, this was not your typical homeless shelter. I thought we were going somewhere similar to a warehouse with a large concrete floor and cots. Nope! We lived in individual, fully furnished rooms and if you made it through a preliminary period you got to move next door to your own apartment! This place was the five star hotel of homeless shelters. That comfort alone let me know, God had a hand in me being there.

I met women from many walks of life while in the shelter. My son and I were there for two years. Most of the women had kids also. The older women who’d been through the abuse cycle were the ones who were serious about getting on their feet, letting the program work for them and starting a new life. The younger girls, who hadn’t stopped loving their abuser, were the ones we would see come and go. We all had befriended one young lady who had so much potential but loved her abusive boyfriend to the point that she kept going back to him. After a while we didn’t see her anymore and learned that he’d unfortunately killed her. We are taught about the abuse cycle while we are in the shelter to encourage us to recognize patterns. To see the signs and never go back but they can’t force anyone to stay. We all had free will to make our own decisions.

For those truly seeking a new life, the shelter offered us everything we needed and then some. We never went without anything for our birthdays, Christmas, Easter, pretty much any holiday really. We celebrated them all. The donors of the shelter were so generous. We’d get trash bags full of gifts to wrap for our kids, clothes, toys, houseware, accessories, literally any thing you could think of for all occasions. It was a way to keep the moms from having to worry about how to buy things for our children and home so we could focus on starting over.

For our mental health, it was mandatory that we all attended counseling every week. The kids had their own sessions, moms had theirs and we all attended group sessions. We were required to work and a percentage of our paychecks had to go into a savings account which we got back when we moved out. We were even required to pay off our debt little by little. I had over five-thousand dollars and good enough credit to get my own apartment when I left. A perfect start to a life own my own!

A lot of people thought I was crazy for living in a homeless shelter but they just don’t know how wonderful this shelter was. Now don’t get me wrong, we did have certain interactions outside of the shelter with your typical homeless people. We just had a better place to go at night. On the night of thanksgiving one year, a homeless person broke into my car and stole everything my son and I owned. I was keeping it there while waiting to move over to the apartments at the shelter and we had to park outside the gate until we did which is how they got in. It almost crushed me but that was the reality of where we lived.

The shelter was great but you also had to have a will to succeed in the moments that were out of your control or when you got down on yourself because of your situation. The staff did a great job supporting us through it all. Another perk was that we also received free healthcare as residents from Parkland Hospital in Dallas, TX. I got my checkups every time they came. But one check up didn’t go as smooth as planned. It was my well woman’s checkup.

My Pap smear had come back abnormal. I knew something was wrong when they called me to go see the doctor the very next day about it. That had never happened before. I remember sitting in the room with a calmness only God could give over me. Not worried at all, just curious about what the doctor would say. When she walked in she was so sweet but very apologetic at the same time. She was “sorry to inform me” that I had cervical cancer. I think she thought I was going to completely fall apart when she said it. She was prepared, but then shocked that I didn’t. She kept asking if I was ok. I told her yes and asked what do we do about it? God had already prepped me for the news so it was time to move forward with the solution.

Thankfully, it was beginning stages so she told me they’d have to do a cone biopsy to remove it and that I should be fine. I had the surgery immediately. All expenses paid because I lived in the shelter. Talk about the hand of God! I had a job but no insurance. I was just a receptionist at a dental office so insurance was too expensive for me. Had I not been at that specific shelter I wouldn’t have been getting check-ups. I would have either never known I had cancer until it was too late or, not been able to afford the surgery to remove it. It was meant for me to be there.

On the big day I went to the hospital by myself. I didn’t tell anyone that I was having surgery or that I even had cancer other than the administration at the shelter. I remember sitting outside waiting for my therapist from the shelter to pick me up when I came to from the anesthesia. I just didn’t have anyone I trusted to know that level of detail in my life so I felt better not telling anyone about it. Even if it meant going through a surgery alone and I was ok with that. Some things are just meant for God and you.

Every check up I’ve had since the surgery has been perfect! The cancer is completely gone. Its been about fifteen years since my son and I lived in the homeless shelter and I credit it with saving my life and giving me a fresh start in so many ways. Living homeless for two years wasn’t easy but it was necessary. I would’ve never been able to start over so well prepared had it not been for the selflessness of the women from that shelter and I am forever grateful to them for the life they gave us.

❤️❤️❤️

-xoxo

Candace & Sébian